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title: 'Free Software, Meritocracy, and why I try to listen when 'SJWs' speak'
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<!-- no summary found -->
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</head>
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<body>
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Three quarters of a lifetime ago, I was a bullied fat kid in elementary school.
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Picked last for sports teams, if I bothered to even try playing with the other
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kids. Unaware of the rules while everyone else seemed to know innately how
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to play baseball, or soccer, or football, or whatever the game of the day was.
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<p>From their point of view, those athletic youths were probaby practicing a
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meritocracy: why would you pick the asthmatic fatty who couldn't even remember
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to dribble when playing basketball? I hadn't earned it. Those team captains
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knew the rules like they knew how to breathe. Me, I can go learn the rules on
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my own and lose a few pounds and then maybe I'll get picked to play.
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<p>In my teens, through BBSes and later the Internet I found communities where I
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was more accepted and where my computer skills gave me a measure of status.
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Many years later it's easy to imagine that I learned those skills effortlessly.
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Some of that may be an inherent aptitude, but the reality is probably that I
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learned much more from those around me than I realized.
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<p>Oh and did I mention that all along I was growing up in a dysfunctional
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household with a dad who was prone to angry verbal outbursts, something that
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I learned to imitate and have still not entirely managed to outgrow over twenty
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years after I cut him out of my life?
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<p>So anyway from the mid nineties through the present, I became a part of Hacker
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culture, Free Software culture, and specifically a part of the LinuxCNC
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project. During this time, we patted ourselves on the back because we were
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doing Important Work, because we were Revolutionary Thinkers who had seen the
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flaw in commercial software and closed development methods. I guess that only
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by the narrowest of margins did I avoid reading Ayn Rand and styling myself a
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libertarian and an objectivist.
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<p>What did I learn from my idols, people like Linus Torvalds and Eric Raymond?
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I learned that some people are such bad software developers that it would be
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better if they were run over by a bus than that they ever offer a contribution
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to Free Software again. And that as a result, it was their right (and mine) to
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verbally abuse those contributors until they stopped wasting our time.
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<p>What did I bring to LinuxCNC? An echo of childhood bullying, a habit of
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verbally abusing the people around me, and the idea that I was essentially born
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an elite hacker.
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<p>I'd like to think that I've never written anything truly vile and insulting on
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a Free Software mailing list or chat group, but in reality I'm sure I've
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crossed lines that I shouldn't have. More recently, my unmanaged irritation at
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"noobs" cuased me to largely shut down as a participant in the LinuxCNC
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community since if I took insults off the table the only course of action
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I knew was to remain silent and withdrawn.
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<p>And now, at age 40, I'm seriously reflecting on this for the first time. And
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what I see is that way into my adulthood, I'm more or less repeating playground
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bullying techniques against people who don't instictively configure their text
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editor to insert 4 spaces when they press tab, who don't know they have to
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"sign off" their commits or write documentation or a test or whatever road
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block I want to put up when they have a contribution to offer. I got to the
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top of something, and I haven't used that position to bring other people up
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with me, but to finally exercise a little power over people who are beneath me
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and less than me.
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<p>In short, I've been a bully and an abuser.
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<p>Why am I finally figuring this out now? I am sure it's a confluence of many
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things, but one of those things is how the so-called "Social Justice Warriors"
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(SJWs) have started to make their voices heard in our communities. Ironically,
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their voices have become louder for me the more that is said against them.
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<p>They say, build an inclusive community. Build everyone up, even first-timers
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who don't know all the scret handshakes. Don't accept that you're playing a
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zero-sum game where you have to tear everyone else down.
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<p>They say, show this by your conduct. Recognize that there are groups who are
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traditionally excluded from your community. Act in a way that not only avoids
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treating them unfairly, but which avoids even the appearance of treating them
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unfairly. Don't set up impossible barriers and pretend you would have been
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able to surmount them yourself.
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<p>I want to practice these ideals. I will fail a lot before I succeed, if I ever
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do succeed. But so many voices are now being raised, fellow people who want to
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succeed at this project and who will do so by lifting me up and who I have a
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duty to lift up in turn. Social Justice Warriors, thank you for your
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constructive criticism of the way I've been participating in Free Software
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development and generally as a person. I'm working on an updated and improved
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version that incorporates your feedback. Let me know what you think.
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<br><br><font size=-2>Entry first conceived on 2 December 2015, 23:12 UTC, last modified on 29 February 2016, 22:04 UTC</font>
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